Can you see me bleed? I +dare+ you to see me bleed.

Murphy's Law

Never eat prunes when you're famished.

All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

Where you stand on an issue depends where you sit.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.

A short cut is the longest distance between two points.

Self-starters: will not.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Leafproof seals - will.

Interchangeable parts - won't.

There is always one more bug.

Nature is a mother.

Don't mess with Mrs Murphy!

90% of everything is garbage.

If your feeling good, don't worry, it never lasts.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

You will always find something in the last place you look.

The chance of a piece of bread falling on the buttered side down is directionally proportioned to the cost of the carpet.

No matter how hard or long you shop for a item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale cheaper somewhere else.

No-one's life, liberty or property is safe while the parliament is in session.

The other line always moves faster.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don't need it.

Anything you try to fix will take a little longer, and cost a little more than you thought.

If you fool around with a thing for very long, you will screw it up.

A $300 picture tube will protect a 10cent fuse by blowing first.

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the very center.

The serviceman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the serviceman, it will work perfectly.

A pipe gives a wise man time to think, and a fool something to stick in his mouth.

Everybody should believe in something - I believe I'll have another drink.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only fools will use it.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich quick that will not work.

In any hierachy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains here.

You will remember that you forgot to take out the rubbish when the garbage truck is two doors away.

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

There race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but thats the way to bet.

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.

If it moves, shoot it. If it doesn't, it probably works here.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

Golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Never sleep with anybody crazier than yourself.

Beauty is only skin-deep, ugly goes to the bone.

To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. (Freudian psychology)

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

A smith & wesson beats four aces.

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, nobody is at fault.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

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